Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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