Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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