PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he was CRYING into my vagina
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
