you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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