While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
