I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
