He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
