i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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