Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think your dad took our porno
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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