Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
