worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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