i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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