This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
