The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
