Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
