If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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