Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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