Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
