I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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