god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
