Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
