when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
