You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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