Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Congratulations! We have a period
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
