So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
