I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
