i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
