I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize