all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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