Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize