we have officially lost it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
