hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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