I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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