we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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