Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
