youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
