We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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