i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
