HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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