man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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