I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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