omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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