He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
