Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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