I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
