Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
