Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
