you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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