he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
