Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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