did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
