I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
