Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
