All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
420 ftw
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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