Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
