stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
