Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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