how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
