im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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