i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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