I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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