he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
