Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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(434): View more from Virginia

There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.

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(541): View more from Oregon

someone get that fucking seahorse.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

its not stalking. its research.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Umm you met him three days ago....

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I said what I said

Fav 30 7942 2014
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(914): View more from New York

Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos

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(520): View more from Arizona

Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.

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(303): View more from Colorado

you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog

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(937): View more from Ohio

He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.

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