WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
