i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
