I'm so fucking centered right now
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize