I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
