Will you blow on my dice?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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