if you like me you must not know who I am
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
