just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
