I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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