My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize