He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
