Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
