I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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