Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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