My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
